Once upon a time, a long time ago in the 1990's, I had short hair and lived in a duplex with truly horrible Circus Peanut colored walls on Winton Street with my friends Bryce and Ken. Bryce was famous for impulsively buying things and taking them back. He bought a pasta machine, used it once, and took it back. He bought a food dehydrator machine, used it kind of a lot, and then took it back. He would get kittens from the SPCA and take them back as soon as they peed on something they shouldn't. So, one day, Bryce decided that he wanted an iguana for a pet. You can't really take iguanas back to the iguana store, so he named it Chili and put it in a very small container in the corner of a hallway where no one ever was. I think Chili became despondent. He stayed the same size for a very long time. Ken and I decided one day to make life better for Chili, so we made him the home in the photo above. There were things to climb on, there was room to move around, and there was even a blue background with glow-in-the-dark stars and a moon. We moved him into the living room where people actually hung out. Chili was happy and began to thrive and grow.
When people came over, we'd get Chili out and play with him. (I don't remember that guy with the tie! Who is that?!) And one year, after Christmas, we let Chili climb the tree. He was a well-loved Iguana.
Eventually, Bryce moved out. Do you think he took Chili? No. So, Ken took over ownership. Ken kept Chili for many years, and he grew and grew as you can see. Here he is, climbing on Ken at a new apartment with less offensively painted walls:
And here he is, climbing on our Bryce Replacement Roommate, Ol' Greg:
Bryce is now a better owner of things. He got some dachshunds and he didn't take them back. He lives in Upstate New York and owns a really cool general store that I have every intention of visiting. I hope he is lenient with his return policy.
Ken is in the famous rock band, the Old 97s, and he lives in Dallas with his nice family and I think a cat. Old 97s are great, and I'm not just saying that because they are my friends. You should listen to them while you eat some barbecue and play washers in your back yard sometime. You'll see what I mean.
Ol' Greg moved to the Hill Country and just sort of vanished. I think everyone lost touch with him except maybe Ol' Curtis. I would love to see Greg. He was an interesting guy.
And I hope Chili is happy, wherever he is.