Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Daphne made me a book at school for Mother's Day. This is one of the pages. I love it because it is sweet, but I especially love her attention to detail. In the picture, I am wearing my "Mommy Uniform" - my housepants with the purple Christmas trees, a blue t-shirt, and my brown slippers. And I'm standing next to my red chair. And on the table, is my green computer, cords hanging down and all. She must have colored this picture before I started wearing eyeglasses with pumpkin stickers.
These are the things that make me happy.
Last night I began to feel sorry for myself because of my new life in the Wavy World. I don't mind visiting it, but I don't want to stay here. And I'm really afraid I might. There are no guarantees with this treatment. So, I got really sad last night, because I may never be able to comfortably do things like read, knit, watch TV, take pictures, etc. any more. And the very worst thing will be if I can't take Daphne places. I had a lot of Big Summer Plans for trips to DC, visits to Scout's house, and various other things that I won't be able to do if I can't drive beyond the one lane streets of the town of Leesburg. I don't want to spend the whole summer just walking around. It's a nice town, but there isn't a whole summer's worth of things to DO. So, maybe by NEXT summer, I'll be back to normal. But what if I'm not? What if this is how things will be forever? What if I can never take my own kid anywhere ever again? It's a possibility that I have to accept. But it's really upsetting. It's not lions. It's not cancer. It's not even blindness. But it's still upsetting.
Today I cleaned up a lot of clutter in my house and I am feeling a little better. I have new orange shoes. I have Kev and Daphne, awesome friends (old and new), and my family, thank goodness, is nearby. I'm making a giant pot of tomato sauce this afternoon, so my house is about to smell really good. And I have these drawings from my funny little kid. I can get by on all that for now.
Time to make-a the sauce!