The Last Straw

Picture me as Yosemite Sam, so mad that my feet lift up off the ground and my hat comes off and floats above my head while steam comes out of my ears.

It's the garbage collectors again. They are my (what's the plural form?) nemesis.

For Christmas, my parents got me a nice big trash bin with a handle and wheels. I can easily roll it out to the curb and back, even when it's full. Our old bin had no wheels, and the handles on the sides that were hard for me to reach because I have short arms, and impossible now because my belly's in the way. If it was full, I had to drag it to the curb which made an awful racket and drew attention to me, which I didn't like, especially because I usually take out the trash in my housepants and hair all disheveled. Anyway, as you know if you read this much, our garbage collectors have a habit of hurling the empty bin in the general direction of the address they got it from, and it often lands in the street or the yard or the driveway . They never, ever place it gently back on the curb where they got it. And today, they broke the handle off my new rolling bin. It cannot be fixed. I am so mad. This means war. How I will wage war on the trash men, I do not know, but I will find a way.

While I'm at it, I might as well wage war on the insurance industry too, but that's another blog...

Some Good News for Visitors from the North

Winter blast is ending...predicted high temp for Thursday is 62.

Sadly, my nice daffodils have hung their heads low. I doubt if they'll recover. There is still some hope for the tulips though.

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

WARNING: This blog will be very long and contain some negativity. But, there will be some happy news, too.

Well, yesterday started off pretty good, because I had lunch in a biergarten with Kev. It was a lovely day, about 75 degrees and sunny. But yesterday turned bad when Kevin's car got smashed. He is OK, but his car is in pretty sad shape. Apparently, as Kev was backing out of his parking space at work, a guy of questionable character in a truck came barrelling around the corner and hit Kev hard enough to spin his car around. Needless to say, Kev is really mad, and sad as well because he loves his car. It is hard for me to relate, because I have no emotional attachment to my car at all. It is just a big blue machine that gets me from point A to point B. But I think Kev is experiencing something similar to grief at the thought that his car may be totalled. And all of this couldn't have come at a worse time, with all the baby expenses and the possibilty of adding a room on to the house. Anyway, I know it could be worse. I am very glad Kev is not hurt, and that me and the Peanut weren't in the car. But it still sucks.

I am going to start an organization if anyone wants to join. It is called P.L.A.I.D. (Pregnant Ladies Against Idiotic Drivers). You certainly don't have to be pregnant or even a lady to join. I just thought it made a nice anagram (is that the right word?). Plus, there are all kinds of potential possibilities for groovy promotional items, including, but not limited to promotional P.L.A.I.D. kilts and promotional P.L.A.I.D. housepants. I have no tolerance for these terrible selfish drivers who speed through parking lots or talk on cell phones or do the crossword or put on makeup or whatever distracting and dangerous thing they are doing. I encourage all of you to be mindful when you are behind the wheel, as you are basically operating a weapon. And you must also be mindful of the others around you who are NOT being mindful, because you never know when you might get plowed into by an idiot. Be careful out there.

On a much happier note, I have received word from the good Dr. Mike Bingham, penguin scientist, that Tula's two chicks are alive and thriving. This is great news. He sent an attached photo, but we think it may have a virus. As soon as we rule that out, I will post the picture on the blog. It is very cute, and I am so happy for Tula and her family.

This weekend, we are probably not doing much, as the NBC 5 team of meteorologists has predicted another winter blast. Amazing. It was about 80 yesterday, and it is about 35 today. We are supposed to have sleet and freezing rain all weekend, and very cold temperatures. No snow, of course. Anyway, I don't mind the wintery weather so much, but I fear it is confusing to the birds and to the bulbs I planted a couple weeks ago. And I was hoping for nice weather next week, because Kev's whole family (with the exception, I am very sad to report, of Marty, who will be greatly missed during this visit) is coming to town for a long weekend.

So everybody have a good weekend, and be careful driving, especially in the winter blast.

Reunion

Yesterday in the mail, I received an announcement I have been expecting regarding my upcoming 20 year high school reunion. I graduated in the good ol' NGHS class of 1986 (go Raiders). I hadn't decided about attending the reunion, but the announcement decided for me. It is being held the weekend before the baby is due, so I can't possibly go. Oh well. I can't say I'm all that disappointed. I still see pretty much all the people from high school that I really care to see. Quite frankly, I was pretty miserable during high school, so it doesn't bring back the best of memories. Mostly, the announcement has just made me feel old. I think I'll go listen to some Duran Duran now.

More from the 70s

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/capital1.mp3

Here is a link to one of my favorite, but infrequently celebrated songs from Sesame Street.

Wait...here's one more:

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/lowercase_n.mp3

Fun with Bad Food

If you are from the 70s like me, the following foods may have been big players during your childhood:

• Spam
• Vienna sausages
• Canned processed "cheese" that you squeeze from a trigger on the can
• Fried bologna

These are foods I have not eaten for many many years, and I don't intend to feed them to the peanut. If I was on Fear Factor and had to eat one of these foods, I would probably choose the cheese (my friend Bryce used to call it "aerosol cheese"), but I wouldn't like it. Also, for some reason, if I wanted a snack when I was little, my grandma would give me a piece of white bread and a bowl of maple syrup to dip it in. Weird. The one bad food I really miss from childhood is sugary cereal. Oh, how I loved my Fruity Pebbles, Coco Puffs, and Honeycomb. I would get up every Saturday and sit within inches of the greatness of the Fat Albert show, with my bowl of cereal and piece of toast. Then I would go outside and play all day long, only coming home long enough for lunch (grilled cheese and tomato soup - mmmmm). I hope the peanut will eat good food, but still play outside a lot and not sit around playing video games and begging for some Chicken McNuggets (tm). I want her to climb trees and jump on a pogo stick and learn to throw a baseball properly.

By the way, we actually have a can of Spam in our pantry. My aunt gave it to Kev for Christmas, along with some Spam recipes. He says he is going to eat it, but we'll see about that.

No Computer Blues

Last weekend, Kev and my dad painted the baby's room a lovely shade of light green while I went to Paris to visit Whitney and Co. That is all good. The room looks really nice and I had a great road trip. Paris is exactly the right distance away for me...it takes about two hours to drive up there, and it's a pretty drive with rolling hills and cows and stuff. So I packed up the car with some good CDs, the Peanut, the monkey, and some pizzalicious pringles and had nice drive and a fun time with Whitney and the girls. Anyway, when I got back, the room was all painted and just about ready to start moving baby furniture in. But the drawback is that we had to empty out the room and unhook the computer/modem and it's been unplugged all week and I haven't been able to blog or check email or anything and I am so desparate that it is Saturday afternoon and I drove all the way to Garland to use my parents incredibly slow dial-up beating of a computer today. I am completely dependent on the internet. I have needed it so many times this week. So I hope we can get the computer at home going again soon, but it may require some rewiring in the attic because the DSL only works from the baby's room at the moment. If you have emailed or commented on the blog and gotten no response from me, that is why. Sorry. I'll put photos of the room on here when I can. So long for now.

Toughest Guys Ever

I have just finished reading a great book called "Endurance" about Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic adventure. Kev got this book for Christmas (or maybe his birthday) and after he read it, he immediately wanted to read it again. He said it was "captivating." So I decided to read it after much inner debate. I like a good adventure story, but Kev warned me that many seals, countless penguins, and even dogs and puppies would lose their lives violently in the book, and I wasn't sure I could take it. Finally, I decided to buck up and just read the thing, and I will tell you what, "captivating" is an understatement. Wow! The men in Shackleton's expedition party are truly the toughest people I have ever read or heard about. These guys almost make Lewis and Clark's adventure look like a cakewalk. I would have lasted about three hours with this group. They lasted something like 15 months. The whole time, they were cold, wet, hungry, thirsty, terribly uncomfortable, and in great peril. My most basic need is to feel safe, and these guys couldn't feel safe for months at a time. So, if you are feeling sorry for yourself about your house problems, or your nocturnal hip-joint pains, or the fact that it is bathroom-cleaning day, then reading this book might give you a whole new perspective. You are warm, dry, well-fed, and hopefully not troubled with piles. And you don't ever ever have to eat seal blubber or penguin steak.

Question

What kinds of cars do President Bush and Laura Bush drive? I would really like to believe that the President means it sincerely when he says it's time to think about oil alternatives, but I think I'm at least gonna need to see him in a Hybrid first. I don't know for sure, but I reckon he's more the Ford F150 type. If he wants a skeptic like me to believe him, maybe he could start by getting a new hydrogen powered presidential limo. All I'm saying is it's a lot of good words, but I'm gonna need to see some action because I'm not really buying any of it. Please, Mr. President, prove me wrong.

Patience

The problem with things like having babies and planting tulips is that you have to wait so dang long for the rewards.

Twenty-One Week Renaissance

Some of you may recall a previous blog entitled "Eleven Week Freak-Out," which described the dark dark days of my first trimester, during which I could not think straight or get anything accomplished, and I was sent to the edge of a break-down because of a poorly arranged spice cabinet.

I am happy to report that now, in my 21st week, things are much much better. I have been given the gift of some sort of Second Trimester Groove Hormone. I no longer seem to be in a mental fog. I've been cooking, and sewing, and doing crafts. I've been getting bills and tax stuff squared away, making phone calls to doctors and hospitals and anesthesiologists, and organizing and filing paperwork. I've been taking walks and going to yoga class. Today, I planted 50 tulip bulbs in my front yard, sustaining only very minor gardening injuries, mostly of the blister variety. I got the bulbs from Kevin as a Christmas gift. They have been sitting patiently in the fridge, pretending it's winter, for the last six weeks. I never have had any luck with tulips, but I am hoping these will grow and bloom nicely.

Unfortunately, the Groove Hormone has arrived at the same time as the Clumsiness Hormone, and I continue to drop things with alarming regularity. But I have been extra careful during my various projects, and the worst that has happened is one broken bowl.

This groove, I fear, is sure to be followed shortly by a meltdown. Kev probably fears this more than I do. He has developed a simulation of me over the years which predicts my behavior with uncanny accuracy, and it tells him the groove never lasts very long. The third trimester may be my downfall. So I intend to get as much done in the next few weeks as possible. I'd better go start on the spice cabinet...

Dear LarryFeathers,

Please blog a new blog. Now that you know the peanut is a girl, how about a new drawing? Or surely you've been to the beauty parlor recently. You could blog about that. Or you could be a good citizen and warn people about that game that made you lose everything on your hard drive. Or something. We like LarryFeathers.

Hey New Albany! Good Show Alert

For those of you in Kentuckiana (or, if you prefer, Indyucky) who like good music, I HIGHLY recommend this show:

The Asylum Street Spankers
2.9.06 Thursday Louisville KY Bomhard Theatre at Kentucky Center for the Arts 8pm 800.775.7777

This is a great band from Austin that is a big inspiration to the PPHPHB. They have a web site if you want to google it. Warning: There will assuredly be cursing and off-color remarks during the show. But there will also be really great music and hilarity. You will have fun.

Setlist.com

Uncle Dave's comment inspired me to do some looking around on the web, and I found a site called setlist.com. The most recent set list for Van Morrison that I could find was for a show back in November. It included the following:

Set 1: The Way Young Lovers Do, This Love Of Mine, They Sold Me Out, Keep Mediocrity At Bay, Magic Time, Jackie Wilson Said, It Once Was My Life, Georgia, Brown Eyed Girl(new latin ersion), Moondance, Stop Drinking, Days Like This, Don’t Worry About A Thing, Sometimes We Cry, Cleaning Windows, Have I Told You Lately(LV version), Precious Time, Help Me, E:Gloria

I can handle something like that. Looks promising. Thanks, Dave.

Weekend Update

1. Tula, my adopted penguin, has hatched two chicks. So far, all is well. Right now, they are very small and fragile, but soon, the good Dr. Mike Bingham will take photos of the chicks to send to me. So, congratulations to Tula. I am very happy for her. Baby penguin photos will be posted immediately when I get them.
2. I purchased tickets to see the great Van Morrison on March 6. My friend john_clarke is going with me. We don't have very good seats, but we will be there. I never thought I'd get the chance to see him, so I am really excited in spite of the concerns listed in the previous blog. I hope he will do at least one song from Astral Weeks.
3. Next weekend I am going to Paris (TX) to see my friend Whitney and her kids. Whitney called today to tell me that Hattie, who is 3 1/2, asked her, "Who is that nice girl that always wears pajamas?" She meant me. It's true, I mostly wear pajamas. But usually only inside the house. It is required for the band.
4. Fun fact: Rain falls at 7 MPH.

What Do I Do? What Do I Do?

I have a dilemma. Van Morrison is coming to town. And I LOVE Van Morrison. I have always wanted to see Van Morrison. His Astral Weeks album is my very most favorite album of all time ever. And as far as I know, he has never been to Dallas, at least not during my fan-dom. So, I should definitely go, right? But here's the thing. What if I go, and he's really really terrible and old and fat and can't sing and only does songs I've never heard? That would be a huge let-down. I would be devastated. Dangit. Well, I think I am going to have to go, because it may be my only chance. Dang. What do I do?

OK...here is some drama for you. The cops just pulled up out front, because, I'm assuming, Rush Knucklehead is at it again. Yep...cop approaching R.K's house...Cop is knocking at door...R.K. can't hear him because guitar is too loud...cop is walking around front yard, looking up at window..."Limelight" solo continues to blare...cop is at door again...no answer...cop wandering around...cop returning to cop car...cop moving car to R.K's driveway...getting out again...music stopped...cop is knocking at wrong door (it's an up-and -own duplex)...should I go tell him...no...R.K's dog out on balcony looking at cop...cop going back to car...cop sitting in car perhaps writing citation?...music still stopped...RK on balcony...spies cop car...goes back in...comes back out...oh no! Cop leaving...maybe he just gave him a warning. Dangit!

I think my neighbor Ron, of Dog Party fame, is the one who called the cops. He told me he has called the cops on him three times before. Clearly, it isn't working. But, at least he seems to have stopped for today. Ah, sweet silence. Now, what do I do about Van Morrison?

Things That Baffle Me

1. People that talk on their cell phones while using public restrooms
2. People that litter
3. People that throw cigarette butts out their car windows during "explosive fire warning" days
4. People that are mean to little kids, old people, or animals
5. People that make stuff up to impress other people
6. People that don't give you a friendly wave after you let them in front of you in traffic
7. People that go hauling a$$ down the median when traffic is slow/stopped on the expressway
8. People that park their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle and just stand there blocking
9. The behavior of my garbage collectors
10. People who don't hold the door open when they know you are right behind them
11. People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom, especially in restaurants
12. People who talk on their cell phones in cars or restaurants
13. Other

If I had my own island, Taratopia, all of these things would be grounds for removal from the island. Maybe I'd let people have one warning first, but generally, poor citizenship would not be tolerated. Plus, there would be 4-day work weeks and 3-day weekends, mandatory nap time, and people would have to eat dinner with their families at least 5 times a week. I was going to make the island a Mustard-Free zone, but then Kev wouldn't come and live there with me. There would be no cars because it would be a small enough island to walk or ride a bike everywhere. There might be a trolley. I like trolleys. There would be owls. There would be no Jethro Tull music.

Wednesday Shout Out

Happy Birthday Dad!
You will be a great Grandpa!

Love, T., K., and the P.

Also, a very happy birthday to my friends Heather and Tracy, who have the same birthday as my dad.

The Pirate Ghost

This afternoon when I got home from working at my parents' house, I came in, checked email, put away some groceries, and other stuff. Then I went into the TV room, and noticed that right in the middle of the floor, there was a paper scary pirate mask that was left-over from a birthday party from 13 months ago. There was no reason for this mask to be in the middle of the TV room floor. I certainly didn't put it there, and I didn't remember seeing it before I left the house this morning. I didn't even know we still had it. So I was a little freaked out. I went to the back of the house to check if there were any bad guys or robbers in the bedroom or the bathroom. I checked to make sure the back door was locked. Then I checked to see if the stereo and tv were gone. Everything seemed just as I left it in the morning, with the exception of the scary pirate mask on the floor. So I called Kev at work and asked if he, by any chance, had been wearing the pirate mask last night and then forgotten to put it away, instead, leaving it on the floor. After all, he was up later than me, and who knows what he was up to. He was quite amused, and eventually, after milking my pirate ghost panic for as long as he could, told me it must have fallen out of one of the music books he'd been using. So, there was no pirate ghost (or bad guys or robbers) after all, and I continued with my Tuesday. The remainder of day has been pretty uneventful.

Crash

As predicted, my domestic groove came to a screeching halt during dessert, when I dropped and broke a bowl whilst serving ice cream. Luckily, I dropped it before I put any ice cream in it. It would have been a shame for any ice cream to go to waste.

Question: Does being pregnant make you clumsy? I keep dropping stuff. I hope I don't fall down.