T's First Tulip

The tulips I planted in February are starting to come up, and a few are blooming already. I hope they will get tall, but even if they don't, I'm just happy they are growing. It was a lot of work to plant them, and it is starting to pay off. Tulips are very cheerful, and the daffodils and hyacinths have already died. Also, new leaves are coming in on the Japanese maple, and the pear trees are flowering. Spring is apparently here.

Foiled by Meat (And Other Sad Tales)

So, the weekend started off pretty good. The weather was beautiful, so after going for coffee, Kev and I went for a walk at the lake. We saw lots of good birds and dogs. Saturday night, I hung out with my brother while Kev went to soccer. Sunday, I washed and put away all the Peanut's clothes, and started trying to organize our new baby accessories. Then, it was time for dinner, so we decided to grill out since the weather was just right for grillin'. I went to the store to get some meat while Kev got the charcoal going. When I got back and started making the burgers, Kev said, "Uh...That is some pretty lean lookin' meat." I said it was 98%. How was I to know you are supposed to grill a fattier ground beef burger? I added some flavorings to the meat and made the patties anyway, and they proceded to fall to pieces on the grill. I was defeated. Kev managed to save some of the meat somehow, and so we ate the salvaged burgers, on English muffins because I forgot the buns at the store. I was forlorn. About 5 minutes into the "meal," Kev said, "Well, the ketchup is good." This at least made me laugh. It was perhaps the worst hamburger I have ever had.

Yesterday was better because I went to see the GREAT Van Morrison, and he did not disappoint me as I was concerned he might. He sounded great, he looked great, and he was backed by a fantastic band. I loved every minute of it, in spite of the over-cologned gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt next to me who kept checking his cell phone and singing the wrong words loudly along with Van. The show began at exactly 7:30 and was over by nine...perfect for people like me who can't stay awake late. Problem was, it took us 45 minutes to get out of the ridiculous parking lot at the Nokia Theater, but I was still home by a little after ten. Early for a rock show.

Today, however, has not started well. I was at the bank asking about home equity and explaining to the pimple-y bank dude about adding a room to the house because we're having a baby. He was making small talk as he led me to his desk, and he said, "So, you're just now...uh, I mean is this your first baby?" Now, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. I know he was expressing surprise that someone so old was just now having a kid. Stupid bank dude. He started telling me about the two kids he already has, and I was smiling, but I have to admit I was thinking mean thoughts on the inside. Then I went to the grocery store, where the nice cashier asked how my pregnancy was going. She asked if it was my first, and when I said yes, she said, "REALLY? " as if this was the most shocking thing she had heard all week. This all after finding out last week that apparently there has been discussion between people in my family behind my back regarding my need to start using anti-aging facial products. OK, everbody. I have silver hairs. I have some very fine lines under my eyes (from smiling, mind you). I'm old. I get it. But I am 4 days away from my third trimester, and I am hanging on to my groove by a thread, so give me a break.

I have managed to not become completely defeated by asking myself, "What would Mister Rogers say?" And he would say he likes me just the way I am. Thanks, Mister Rogers.

Tula and her Chicks

Coots

When Geese Attack

When Geese Attack II

Belly - By Request

Wednesday Shout Out

Very Happy Birthdays to Bleach and Bean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have good cousins.

Showers and Thunderstorms

So our visitors from the north have come and gone. The weather was crummy, cold and damp, almost the entire time they were here. On Friday night, there was a huge Texas-style thunderstorm with lightning that shook the house. Normally I love those storms, but this one kept me and most of my guests awake and flooded my back yard. Luckily, the bad weather didn't put too much of a damper on our visit with Kev's family though. We still had a lot of fun, and a lot of good food, including tapas one night, and barbeque another.

On Saturday, there was a baby shower, which was really nice. I was glad we could do it while Kev's mom and sisters were here, and it was cool that they all came down for it. My aunt came from Indiana too, and was a lot of help. In spite of having to be in the spotlight for over two hours, I had a really good time, and I appreciate all the hard work that went into making it so nice. I had some help too...Whitney's girls brought me gift after gift, and helped me open them, which was funny, plus it took some attention away from me. I got a lot of really nice gifts, which I also appreciate, and I think I am just about ready for the peanut to arrive now. I've got everything but a crib and a name.

The only down side to the shower is that, as usual, I felt like I didn't get to talk to everyone enough. I really tried to make the rounds and talk to people, but just like at the wedding, there were some people I barely remember even saying hello to. I'm sure people understand, but I still feel bad.

On Sunday, the sun finally came out, so we got to spend a little time outside. We took the whole crew to the lake, where we fed the coots and ducks, got chased by some geese, and played on the playground with my nephew. After the New York group left, we went to lunch with the Boston people, and actually ate outside. It was lovely.

Yesterday was a perfect day (70) and today it will be 80. You just never know about February in Texas I guess. Good news is, it's March now.

I will try to post some pictures soon.

Revenge of the Nerd

OK, you guys know me well enough to know that I am all talk and no action when it comes to revenge. I would never really declare war on the trash men or insurance people or anyone else. I just get mad, blog about it, and try to move on. All of these minor inconveniences are opportunities for me to practice patience and tolerance. Life is good, and I shouldn't complain.

The Last Straw

Picture me as Yosemite Sam, so mad that my feet lift up off the ground and my hat comes off and floats above my head while steam comes out of my ears.

It's the garbage collectors again. They are my (what's the plural form?) nemesis.

For Christmas, my parents got me a nice big trash bin with a handle and wheels. I can easily roll it out to the curb and back, even when it's full. Our old bin had no wheels, and the handles on the sides that were hard for me to reach because I have short arms, and impossible now because my belly's in the way. If it was full, I had to drag it to the curb which made an awful racket and drew attention to me, which I didn't like, especially because I usually take out the trash in my housepants and hair all disheveled. Anyway, as you know if you read this much, our garbage collectors have a habit of hurling the empty bin in the general direction of the address they got it from, and it often lands in the street or the yard or the driveway . They never, ever place it gently back on the curb where they got it. And today, they broke the handle off my new rolling bin. It cannot be fixed. I am so mad. This means war. How I will wage war on the trash men, I do not know, but I will find a way.

While I'm at it, I might as well wage war on the insurance industry too, but that's another blog...

Some Good News for Visitors from the North

Winter blast is ending...predicted high temp for Thursday is 62.

Sadly, my nice daffodils have hung their heads low. I doubt if they'll recover. There is still some hope for the tulips though.

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

WARNING: This blog will be very long and contain some negativity. But, there will be some happy news, too.

Well, yesterday started off pretty good, because I had lunch in a biergarten with Kev. It was a lovely day, about 75 degrees and sunny. But yesterday turned bad when Kevin's car got smashed. He is OK, but his car is in pretty sad shape. Apparently, as Kev was backing out of his parking space at work, a guy of questionable character in a truck came barrelling around the corner and hit Kev hard enough to spin his car around. Needless to say, Kev is really mad, and sad as well because he loves his car. It is hard for me to relate, because I have no emotional attachment to my car at all. It is just a big blue machine that gets me from point A to point B. But I think Kev is experiencing something similar to grief at the thought that his car may be totalled. And all of this couldn't have come at a worse time, with all the baby expenses and the possibilty of adding a room on to the house. Anyway, I know it could be worse. I am very glad Kev is not hurt, and that me and the Peanut weren't in the car. But it still sucks.

I am going to start an organization if anyone wants to join. It is called P.L.A.I.D. (Pregnant Ladies Against Idiotic Drivers). You certainly don't have to be pregnant or even a lady to join. I just thought it made a nice anagram (is that the right word?). Plus, there are all kinds of potential possibilities for groovy promotional items, including, but not limited to promotional P.L.A.I.D. kilts and promotional P.L.A.I.D. housepants. I have no tolerance for these terrible selfish drivers who speed through parking lots or talk on cell phones or do the crossword or put on makeup or whatever distracting and dangerous thing they are doing. I encourage all of you to be mindful when you are behind the wheel, as you are basically operating a weapon. And you must also be mindful of the others around you who are NOT being mindful, because you never know when you might get plowed into by an idiot. Be careful out there.

On a much happier note, I have received word from the good Dr. Mike Bingham, penguin scientist, that Tula's two chicks are alive and thriving. This is great news. He sent an attached photo, but we think it may have a virus. As soon as we rule that out, I will post the picture on the blog. It is very cute, and I am so happy for Tula and her family.

This weekend, we are probably not doing much, as the NBC 5 team of meteorologists has predicted another winter blast. Amazing. It was about 80 yesterday, and it is about 35 today. We are supposed to have sleet and freezing rain all weekend, and very cold temperatures. No snow, of course. Anyway, I don't mind the wintery weather so much, but I fear it is confusing to the birds and to the bulbs I planted a couple weeks ago. And I was hoping for nice weather next week, because Kev's whole family (with the exception, I am very sad to report, of Marty, who will be greatly missed during this visit) is coming to town for a long weekend.

So everybody have a good weekend, and be careful driving, especially in the winter blast.

Reunion

Yesterday in the mail, I received an announcement I have been expecting regarding my upcoming 20 year high school reunion. I graduated in the good ol' NGHS class of 1986 (go Raiders). I hadn't decided about attending the reunion, but the announcement decided for me. It is being held the weekend before the baby is due, so I can't possibly go. Oh well. I can't say I'm all that disappointed. I still see pretty much all the people from high school that I really care to see. Quite frankly, I was pretty miserable during high school, so it doesn't bring back the best of memories. Mostly, the announcement has just made me feel old. I think I'll go listen to some Duran Duran now.

More from the 70s

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/capital1.mp3

Here is a link to one of my favorite, but infrequently celebrated songs from Sesame Street.

Wait...here's one more:

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/lowercase_n.mp3

Fun with Bad Food

If you are from the 70s like me, the following foods may have been big players during your childhood:

• Spam
• Vienna sausages
• Canned processed "cheese" that you squeeze from a trigger on the can
• Fried bologna

These are foods I have not eaten for many many years, and I don't intend to feed them to the peanut. If I was on Fear Factor and had to eat one of these foods, I would probably choose the cheese (my friend Bryce used to call it "aerosol cheese"), but I wouldn't like it. Also, for some reason, if I wanted a snack when I was little, my grandma would give me a piece of white bread and a bowl of maple syrup to dip it in. Weird. The one bad food I really miss from childhood is sugary cereal. Oh, how I loved my Fruity Pebbles, Coco Puffs, and Honeycomb. I would get up every Saturday and sit within inches of the greatness of the Fat Albert show, with my bowl of cereal and piece of toast. Then I would go outside and play all day long, only coming home long enough for lunch (grilled cheese and tomato soup - mmmmm). I hope the peanut will eat good food, but still play outside a lot and not sit around playing video games and begging for some Chicken McNuggets (tm). I want her to climb trees and jump on a pogo stick and learn to throw a baseball properly.

By the way, we actually have a can of Spam in our pantry. My aunt gave it to Kev for Christmas, along with some Spam recipes. He says he is going to eat it, but we'll see about that.

No Computer Blues

Last weekend, Kev and my dad painted the baby's room a lovely shade of light green while I went to Paris to visit Whitney and Co. That is all good. The room looks really nice and I had a great road trip. Paris is exactly the right distance away for me...it takes about two hours to drive up there, and it's a pretty drive with rolling hills and cows and stuff. So I packed up the car with some good CDs, the Peanut, the monkey, and some pizzalicious pringles and had nice drive and a fun time with Whitney and the girls. Anyway, when I got back, the room was all painted and just about ready to start moving baby furniture in. But the drawback is that we had to empty out the room and unhook the computer/modem and it's been unplugged all week and I haven't been able to blog or check email or anything and I am so desparate that it is Saturday afternoon and I drove all the way to Garland to use my parents incredibly slow dial-up beating of a computer today. I am completely dependent on the internet. I have needed it so many times this week. So I hope we can get the computer at home going again soon, but it may require some rewiring in the attic because the DSL only works from the baby's room at the moment. If you have emailed or commented on the blog and gotten no response from me, that is why. Sorry. I'll put photos of the room on here when I can. So long for now.

Toughest Guys Ever

I have just finished reading a great book called "Endurance" about Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic adventure. Kev got this book for Christmas (or maybe his birthday) and after he read it, he immediately wanted to read it again. He said it was "captivating." So I decided to read it after much inner debate. I like a good adventure story, but Kev warned me that many seals, countless penguins, and even dogs and puppies would lose their lives violently in the book, and I wasn't sure I could take it. Finally, I decided to buck up and just read the thing, and I will tell you what, "captivating" is an understatement. Wow! The men in Shackleton's expedition party are truly the toughest people I have ever read or heard about. These guys almost make Lewis and Clark's adventure look like a cakewalk. I would have lasted about three hours with this group. They lasted something like 15 months. The whole time, they were cold, wet, hungry, thirsty, terribly uncomfortable, and in great peril. My most basic need is to feel safe, and these guys couldn't feel safe for months at a time. So, if you are feeling sorry for yourself about your house problems, or your nocturnal hip-joint pains, or the fact that it is bathroom-cleaning day, then reading this book might give you a whole new perspective. You are warm, dry, well-fed, and hopefully not troubled with piles. And you don't ever ever have to eat seal blubber or penguin steak.

Question

What kinds of cars do President Bush and Laura Bush drive? I would really like to believe that the President means it sincerely when he says it's time to think about oil alternatives, but I think I'm at least gonna need to see him in a Hybrid first. I don't know for sure, but I reckon he's more the Ford F150 type. If he wants a skeptic like me to believe him, maybe he could start by getting a new hydrogen powered presidential limo. All I'm saying is it's a lot of good words, but I'm gonna need to see some action because I'm not really buying any of it. Please, Mr. President, prove me wrong.

Patience

The problem with things like having babies and planting tulips is that you have to wait so dang long for the rewards.

Twenty-One Week Renaissance

Some of you may recall a previous blog entitled "Eleven Week Freak-Out," which described the dark dark days of my first trimester, during which I could not think straight or get anything accomplished, and I was sent to the edge of a break-down because of a poorly arranged spice cabinet.

I am happy to report that now, in my 21st week, things are much much better. I have been given the gift of some sort of Second Trimester Groove Hormone. I no longer seem to be in a mental fog. I've been cooking, and sewing, and doing crafts. I've been getting bills and tax stuff squared away, making phone calls to doctors and hospitals and anesthesiologists, and organizing and filing paperwork. I've been taking walks and going to yoga class. Today, I planted 50 tulip bulbs in my front yard, sustaining only very minor gardening injuries, mostly of the blister variety. I got the bulbs from Kevin as a Christmas gift. They have been sitting patiently in the fridge, pretending it's winter, for the last six weeks. I never have had any luck with tulips, but I am hoping these will grow and bloom nicely.

Unfortunately, the Groove Hormone has arrived at the same time as the Clumsiness Hormone, and I continue to drop things with alarming regularity. But I have been extra careful during my various projects, and the worst that has happened is one broken bowl.

This groove, I fear, is sure to be followed shortly by a meltdown. Kev probably fears this more than I do. He has developed a simulation of me over the years which predicts my behavior with uncanny accuracy, and it tells him the groove never lasts very long. The third trimester may be my downfall. So I intend to get as much done in the next few weeks as possible. I'd better go start on the spice cabinet...

Dear LarryFeathers,

Please blog a new blog. Now that you know the peanut is a girl, how about a new drawing? Or surely you've been to the beauty parlor recently. You could blog about that. Or you could be a good citizen and warn people about that game that made you lose everything on your hard drive. Or something. We like LarryFeathers.

Hey New Albany! Good Show Alert

For those of you in Kentuckiana (or, if you prefer, Indyucky) who like good music, I HIGHLY recommend this show:

The Asylum Street Spankers
2.9.06 Thursday Louisville KY Bomhard Theatre at Kentucky Center for the Arts 8pm 800.775.7777

This is a great band from Austin that is a big inspiration to the PPHPHB. They have a web site if you want to google it. Warning: There will assuredly be cursing and off-color remarks during the show. But there will also be really great music and hilarity. You will have fun.

Setlist.com

Uncle Dave's comment inspired me to do some looking around on the web, and I found a site called setlist.com. The most recent set list for Van Morrison that I could find was for a show back in November. It included the following:

Set 1: The Way Young Lovers Do, This Love Of Mine, They Sold Me Out, Keep Mediocrity At Bay, Magic Time, Jackie Wilson Said, It Once Was My Life, Georgia, Brown Eyed Girl(new latin ersion), Moondance, Stop Drinking, Days Like This, Don’t Worry About A Thing, Sometimes We Cry, Cleaning Windows, Have I Told You Lately(LV version), Precious Time, Help Me, E:Gloria

I can handle something like that. Looks promising. Thanks, Dave.

Weekend Update

1. Tula, my adopted penguin, has hatched two chicks. So far, all is well. Right now, they are very small and fragile, but soon, the good Dr. Mike Bingham will take photos of the chicks to send to me. So, congratulations to Tula. I am very happy for her. Baby penguin photos will be posted immediately when I get them.
2. I purchased tickets to see the great Van Morrison on March 6. My friend john_clarke is going with me. We don't have very good seats, but we will be there. I never thought I'd get the chance to see him, so I am really excited in spite of the concerns listed in the previous blog. I hope he will do at least one song from Astral Weeks.
3. Next weekend I am going to Paris (TX) to see my friend Whitney and her kids. Whitney called today to tell me that Hattie, who is 3 1/2, asked her, "Who is that nice girl that always wears pajamas?" She meant me. It's true, I mostly wear pajamas. But usually only inside the house. It is required for the band.
4. Fun fact: Rain falls at 7 MPH.

What Do I Do? What Do I Do?

I have a dilemma. Van Morrison is coming to town. And I LOVE Van Morrison. I have always wanted to see Van Morrison. His Astral Weeks album is my very most favorite album of all time ever. And as far as I know, he has never been to Dallas, at least not during my fan-dom. So, I should definitely go, right? But here's the thing. What if I go, and he's really really terrible and old and fat and can't sing and only does songs I've never heard? That would be a huge let-down. I would be devastated. Dangit. Well, I think I am going to have to go, because it may be my only chance. Dang. What do I do?

OK...here is some drama for you. The cops just pulled up out front, because, I'm assuming, Rush Knucklehead is at it again. Yep...cop approaching R.K's house...Cop is knocking at door...R.K. can't hear him because guitar is too loud...cop is walking around front yard, looking up at window..."Limelight" solo continues to blare...cop is at door again...no answer...cop wandering around...cop returning to cop car...cop moving car to R.K's driveway...getting out again...music stopped...cop is knocking at wrong door (it's an up-and -own duplex)...should I go tell him...no...R.K's dog out on balcony looking at cop...cop going back to car...cop sitting in car perhaps writing citation?...music still stopped...RK on balcony...spies cop car...goes back in...comes back out...oh no! Cop leaving...maybe he just gave him a warning. Dangit!

I think my neighbor Ron, of Dog Party fame, is the one who called the cops. He told me he has called the cops on him three times before. Clearly, it isn't working. But, at least he seems to have stopped for today. Ah, sweet silence. Now, what do I do about Van Morrison?

Things That Baffle Me

1. People that talk on their cell phones while using public restrooms
2. People that litter
3. People that throw cigarette butts out their car windows during "explosive fire warning" days
4. People that are mean to little kids, old people, or animals
5. People that make stuff up to impress other people
6. People that don't give you a friendly wave after you let them in front of you in traffic
7. People that go hauling a$$ down the median when traffic is slow/stopped on the expressway
8. People that park their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle and just stand there blocking
9. The behavior of my garbage collectors
10. People who don't hold the door open when they know you are right behind them
11. People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom, especially in restaurants
12. People who talk on their cell phones in cars or restaurants
13. Other

If I had my own island, Taratopia, all of these things would be grounds for removal from the island. Maybe I'd let people have one warning first, but generally, poor citizenship would not be tolerated. Plus, there would be 4-day work weeks and 3-day weekends, mandatory nap time, and people would have to eat dinner with their families at least 5 times a week. I was going to make the island a Mustard-Free zone, but then Kev wouldn't come and live there with me. There would be no cars because it would be a small enough island to walk or ride a bike everywhere. There might be a trolley. I like trolleys. There would be owls. There would be no Jethro Tull music.

Wednesday Shout Out

Happy Birthday Dad!
You will be a great Grandpa!

Love, T., K., and the P.

Also, a very happy birthday to my friends Heather and Tracy, who have the same birthday as my dad.

The Pirate Ghost

This afternoon when I got home from working at my parents' house, I came in, checked email, put away some groceries, and other stuff. Then I went into the TV room, and noticed that right in the middle of the floor, there was a paper scary pirate mask that was left-over from a birthday party from 13 months ago. There was no reason for this mask to be in the middle of the TV room floor. I certainly didn't put it there, and I didn't remember seeing it before I left the house this morning. I didn't even know we still had it. So I was a little freaked out. I went to the back of the house to check if there were any bad guys or robbers in the bedroom or the bathroom. I checked to make sure the back door was locked. Then I checked to see if the stereo and tv were gone. Everything seemed just as I left it in the morning, with the exception of the scary pirate mask on the floor. So I called Kev at work and asked if he, by any chance, had been wearing the pirate mask last night and then forgotten to put it away, instead, leaving it on the floor. After all, he was up later than me, and who knows what he was up to. He was quite amused, and eventually, after milking my pirate ghost panic for as long as he could, told me it must have fallen out of one of the music books he'd been using. So, there was no pirate ghost (or bad guys or robbers) after all, and I continued with my Tuesday. The remainder of day has been pretty uneventful.

Crash

As predicted, my domestic groove came to a screeching halt during dessert, when I dropped and broke a bowl whilst serving ice cream. Luckily, I dropped it before I put any ice cream in it. It would have been a shame for any ice cream to go to waste.

Question: Does being pregnant make you clumsy? I keep dropping stuff. I hope I don't fall down.

Domestic Sunday

I have just finished making the first dress for the Peanut. I think it turned out pretty good, and I'd like to have one for myself. It is supposed to have a ruffle at the bottom, but I put in on backwards, so I just cut it off and did a straight hem. Next time, I will be more careful pinning on the ruffle. Things were going well, and I guess I got cocky. While sewing, I also put a brisket in the oven because my family is coming over for dinner to celebrate my dad's birthday. So it appears, at least for today, I am in a domestic groove. It is sure to be short-lived. I better take advantage of it and go clean something.

Meanwhile, Kev is practicing his trumpet. He is really getting good. I heard a very admirable attempt at some Squirrel Nut Zippers a minute ago. Now he is playing Taps. That always means trumpet practice is coming to a close. He must be having lip fatigue.

Best news of the day: It is FINALLY raining in Texas.

Perhaps I spoke too soon...

I am presently being treated to a late-morning performance by none other than the Rush Knucklehead. Fortunately, most of his loud obnoxious over-guitaring is being drowned out by construction noise. It is surprising that construction noise could possibly ever be preferable to anything, but in this case, it is. Keep those power saws going, fellas!

Belly

When I am transferring laundry from the washer to the dryer, I can no longer approach the washing machine head-on, but I have to come at it sideways because my belly is in the way. I think that's funny.

The Naked Running Man

One morning when I lived in my old apartment, the one with all the elderlies, I decided to walk down to Benny's Bagels for a breakfast sandwich, some coffee, and a newspaper. I used to go to Benny's a lot, because the bagels are pretty decent there, and because the guy who works there is nice. We don't know his name, we just call him Chef because he looks like Chef on Southpark. He is also the lowest of all low talkers in the histrory of low talkers. He makes Kev seem like a real loudmouth. Chef's mouth moves, but all that seems to come out is a low-frequency series of grumbly sounds. We learned quickly that we have to be very clear when placing our order with Chef, because if he has any questions, we won't know what he's asking. Anyway, I don't go there much anymore, because one day I was sitting at the bar by the window and I saw some ants. I don't care for ants, especially when they are near my food. But on this day, there were no ants, so I enjoyed my sandwich, coffee, paper, and visit with Chef, and headed home happy.

For some reason, I took a different route home than usual. I decided to walk up La Vista, which is a sort of busy street with mansions and stuff to look at. As I was walking, I noticed that a girl was walking toward me on the other side of La Vista, kinda by Swiss Ave, if you know the neighborhood. She was wearing a black t-shirt dress, which reminded me of high school. It got me to thinking about how during our junior year, a couple of times a week, Mrs. Harper, our first period Bible as Literature teacher, would parade my friend Whitney out into the hall and make her stand with her arms at her sides to see if her fingertips went beyond the bottom of her t-shirt dress or mini skirt. Inevitably, Whitney, who was lucky enough to be tall with long arms and fingers, would be sent home to change, while the rest of us discussed the literary merit of Jesus' parables, or somesuch. If I had been wearing the same thing, my fingertips wouldn't have come near the bottom, and I'd have had to stay. No danger of that, though. I pretty much only wore jeans and concert shirts that year.

So anyway, as I was thinking of poor Mrs. Harper, I started to notice that something about the girl across the street didn't look quite right. She looked very beaten down and forlorn, as if she'd had a really bad night the night before. Then, on closer inspection, I saw that she wasn't a girl at all. She was a dude! In a dress!. Now, this was too much.

By now, the dude in the dress was approaching the car wash, where a girl was spraying her car. I was just about directly across the street. Suddenly, the dude grabbed his dress at the bottom, and pulled it up over his head and took it off, and underneath he was COMPLETELY naked. All he was wearing now was some black tennis shoes, which he used to run down the alley behind the carwash, never to be seen again, at least by me. And thank goodness for that! It was quite a shocking sight on that nice sunny Saturday morning.

Anyway, then I saw some people a few houses up. They were having a garage sale, and they had a little kid, so I went and told them to keep an eye out because there was a naked man running around. And then I went home and probably called Kev.

I hope I haven't told this story before. I am starting to forget what I've already blogged. Have a good weekend, and watch out for streakers.

Weird

I just got home from Central Market, and when I got out of the car, noticed that my neighborhood smells like buttered popcorn.

My Bacon Number

Fun Fact:
I am no more than four degrees from Kevin Bacon. My friend Gordon was in a movie called Schtickmen with this dude named Oliver, who was in a movie with Laura Linney, who was in a movie with Kevin Bacon. And if the Oliver dude is the same Oliver dude I think he is, I've met him a few times before, which would put my Bacon number at three.

UPDATE: My Bacon number = 3. Just googled Oliver Tull, it's the same dude. I once played Smashball with Oliver in Teitze Park at a Shannon and Troy picnic.

Fun with Sewing

So, the other day, Kev told me I should make something for the baby. I was going to crochet something, but my crochet skills are pretty limited. Then, I was going to go to the cool MAKE store from previous blogs, because I saw they had classes on to make crib sets, but now they don't have those classes anymore, so I am going to take a screen-printing class, but that's another story. Anyway, today, I went to the fabric store to look for something to make for the baby, and I found this inexpensive and easy pattern for a little shirt-dress and jeans combo. I bought enough fabric to make 4 shirts (one for 9 months and three for 12 months), and two jeans (one for 9 months and one for 12 months). For the shirts, I got two groovy floral 60s-looking prints, one print with little duckies, and one with a sort of western paisley print. I am so excited. I wanted a monkey print, but I couldn't find one.

I also saw lots of patterns for baby-room accessories, so after we figure out our decor, I may go back and get one of those.

I hope I don't have any sewing disasters. Last night, I almost had a cooking disaster. I made some beef and barley soup, which was pretty tasty. The left-overs were designated for tonight's pot-pies, but as I was pouring the soup from the pot to the tupperware container, the handle slipped and I dropped the pot. There was soup all over the floor, and we were expecting company in 10 minutes. Luckily, I caught the pot and saved most of the soup, and Kev was there to clean up the floor. But it could have been bad. I typically don't handle cooking disasters very well.

I went to the prenatal yoga class at the hospital fitness center the other night. It was so great. I felt like a noodle after it was over. I wish I could go every day.

That's about it. Sorry this blog is boring and mommy-intensive. Next time, maybe I will blog about the completely naked man who ran down the street one day.

Nothing to Blog About

After winning the Dread Pirate (tm) and finding out the Peanut is a girl, the rest of the week has seemed pretty uneventful. I can't think of anything really blogworthy to blog a blog about. The constant battle with our trash collectors must be getting old to you guys by now. Let's see...

Oh. Yesterday, a complex of condos where I used to live caught on fire. It was a six-alarmer, and over 100 people are homeless now. I couldn't tell on the news if my old building was involved, but the whole thing is freaking me out a little. I lived there for a long time. Luckily, it seems no one was hurt, although one lady may have lost her cat, which is horrible. Especially if it turns out the fire was caused by someone being irresponsible and careless.
I lived in some apartments before I married Kev which were mostly occupied by the elderly. I was in constant fear that one of them would fall asleep (or worse) with a lit cigarette and burn us all up. The one exception to the elderly, was a younger girl that lived right upstairs from me. She was stompy. But the worst part was that every Friday and Saturday night, she went out, and that meant going through her pre-going-out ritual, which involved stomping even more while listening to either Journey's Greatest Hits or (good grief) Huey Lewis and the News at top volume. I'm glad I don't live there anymore. It's quieter here, and there's no one to burn us up with their careless smoking habits. Even the Rush Knucklehead has been quiet lately. Last time I heard him was on a Sunday morning at about 8:30. It lasted about 5 minutes, and my guess is somebody finally told him to knock it off. Haven't heard a Canadian Power Anthem since.

Well, maybe something interesting will happen this weekend. There is potential baby accessory shopping, which could lead to a bloggable tale or two.

PPHPHB Story

We sent a copy of PPHPHB Vol.3 to my friend Tracy in San Antonio. She was listening to it while she was driving her 4th grade son, Shane, to school. When Blue Christmas came on, Shane said, "Is THAT Kevin?" and Tracy said, "No, that's Kevin's dad." And Shane said, "Elvis is Kevin's dad???!"

Heh heh.

And the Winner is...

So, apparently, Marty owes Kim one movie with popcorn and candy and a drink, because as most of you know by now, we found out this morning that the Peanut is in fact a Peanutess. The even better news is that she is doing well and growing just like she is supposed to and everything is where it should be. We are very pleased and excited (and relieved). And an added bonus is that we have been having a MUCH easier time thinking of girl names than boy names, so that decision should be a little less complicated. Alas, no Ramekin or Plaul.

We got to bring home a video of the whole sonogram. Modern technology is pretty amazing, I tell you what. The baby was squirming around all over the place, but the doctor managed to find everything he was looking for. They told us the baby has long legs, so maybe she will be nice and tall like Kev, and play soccer too, since she is so kicky. It's gonna be a long time until June. Don't know if I can stand the wait.

By the way - thanks for all the input on the baby accessories poll. It is really helpful.

I am anxious to hear which movie Kim will choose...

Quick unrelated note to Kim and Marty - we made popcorn and it was good.

Oh, I Almost Forgot...

to tell you guys that on Saturday, I beat Kev and LarryFeathers at the Dread Pirate (TM) game, even though they kept making fun of me and calling me the Whiney Pirate, and even though I have generally poor Pirating skills. Aarghhh.

January

Yesterday when it was January 6, Kev and I went to White Rock lake to take a short walk and look at good birds like pelicans and cormorants and ducks and night herons. While we were there, I got HOT, and then we got ice cream from the ice cream man (Fudge-Banana Bomb Pop!). People were flying kites and racing their sailboats. Did I mention it was JANUARY?

I told Kev it must be good to be the ice cream man, because everywhere you go, happy people come running toward you, smiling and waving money. But Kev reminded me that if you are the ice cream man, you have to listen to the ice cream man theme song ALL DAY LONG. That would be a beating. I think maybe the ice cream man union should lobby for getting some new songs so they can have variety, and thus be happier and more productive.

Monday Informal Poll

Hello, and this is for people with kids. Kev and I are about to have to start shopping for baby accessories, and I would like to know what you think are the top 5 things we MUST have, as well as the things you think are a waste of money and completely unnecessary. We know we have to have a crib/changing table and clothes and stuff. But I am talking about all the extra stuff they (the baby industry) make you think you have to buy. Thanks for the help!

PS. Please don't say we don't need a baby monitor, because Kev is AGAINST baby monitors and I am FOR baby monitors, and if you say we don't need one, Kev will say,"SEE! I told you we don't need a baby monitor," and then I'll really have my work cut out for me trying to get one. Thanks.

Gosh!

Do you like Napolean Dynamite and his best friend Pedro? Then you will like their commercials for the Utah State Fair by following this link:
http://jakehilton.com/2005/09/02/napoleon-dynamite-videos

There are three videos and five audio clips. My favorite is the last one, Pedro's song. Pedro has rhyming skills. Thanks to Larry for sending these to me.

Dream Theater*

My dreams tend to be about one of two things. Either I dream of some kind of disasterous attempt to get from Point A to Point B, like being in an elevator when the cable breaks, or being on a plane that is crashing; or I dream about wildlife, often in peril, sometimes not. Over the past few months, I have had several, like at least 6 or 7, dreams about seeing an owl in the wild, and then running around excitedly telling people, "I have finally seen a real owl in the wild!," only to wake up and be sad that it's not true.
Even though it is usually not very interesting to hear about other people's dreams, I am going to blog about the one I had last night because it is all I can think of to blog about today, and you guys are probably kinda sick of Christmas Talk and Peanut Talk. So last night, I had this dream that I was suddenly back in 1997 or 1998 or sometime around there...late 90s. Anyway, so I had to decide what to do since I knew the future, and suddenly I thought, "I must save Peter Jennings!" So I decided I would go to Peter Jennings and tell him to go to the doctor and have his lungs checked, and tell him that whatever he did, not to start smoking again after September 11. Then Dream Tara thought, hey, wait a minute...September 11, I can STOP September 11! So in my dream I was urgently trying to come up with a plan for how to save Peter Jennings, and then get people to believe me about September 11, and then I woke up and had to go to the bathroom, which has become a thrice-nightly occurence (please somebody tell me my bladder will go back to normal after the baby comes). Then when I got back to bed, I started thinking about how of all things I could change, the first thing I thought of was Peter Jennings, and then I thought about in just those few years between 1998 and now, how many bad things could have been stopped, or people could have been saved from like the tsunami and Katrina, and so forth. And this kept me awake for a while, but I finally went back to sleep until the next time I had to go to the bathroom. I think I'd rather dream of owls.

* Dream Theater is a really terrible band that you might like if you are into Rush and Queensryche, but feel like listening to something harder. Dude. They probably actually spell "theater" with an -re, like theatre.

Three Reasons to be Happy Today

1. Texas beat USC. Woo-hoo!
2. John Stewart will host the Oscars (Chris Rock = Not Funny)
3. The Office is back tonight.

Final Week of Mystery

One week from today, Kev and I get to find out if the Peanut is a boy or a girl. So if you were planning to wager, you better get your bets in quick-like, because it won't be long until the mystery is solved. I can't wait.

Whatever it is, it has started doing a little kick-boxing routine, which is nice and kinda tickles. I am pretty sure this was brought on by Kev's delicious New Year's Gumbo.

I hope all y'all are off to a good start in 2006. Happy New Year!

Part 6 - Meet George Jetson, His Boy Satchmo?

I have spent the morning putting away Christmas. I usually feel very sad on Christmas-Tree-Putting-Away-Day, and have post holiday let-down. But this year, I have a lot to keep me busy and a lot to look forward to, so I feel pretty OK about it. Anyway, I thought since Christmas is put away, I better finish up How I Spent My Christmas Vacation once and for all. I shall try to be brief.

When December 26 rolls around, the fun is over for most people, but not us, because that day is Kev's birthday. This year, I got him a trumpet, and I'll be a monkey's uncle if he isn't already getting pretty good at it. The initial honking has decreased tremendously, and yesterday, I overheard him (how could I help but overhear him?!) playing a pretty good likeness of "Come Back to Sorrento." So, I am pleased that he likes his trumpet and that he is making such a real effort to learn to play it. I am hoping that if he puts his mute on, it will be quiet enough for a trumpet/melodica duet.

Kev's dad had been just about to explode with excitement for Kev to open the birthday gift from him. He gets more excited about Christmas and birthdays than anyone I know. So we didn't know what to expect, except that it was most likely something futuristic. And indeed it was! We were pleasantly surprised when Kev opened a small camera which attaches to your computer so you can have video conferences with others who also have cameras. It is just like on the Jetsons. Below, you can see us talking to Kim and Marty, all the way in L.I.N.Y. (Kev's sisters each got one too). These things are great. It is so much more like a real visit than a phone call. We used it to talk to the whole family on Kev's birthday, and it was almost like being right there at the house. We got to see everybody, including the dogs, and show them our Christmas toys. It will be great when the baby comes. There are a couple of small issues, like people talking at the same time, and occasional computer glitches that freeze people on the screen. But overall, it is really cool. And there is an endless amount of silly camera schtick, like fake-walking-down-the-steps and crashing the Starship Enterprise camera angles, etc. that you can do when you run out of stuff to talk about. Everybody should get one of these, especially if you have out-of-town friends and family.
I don't know if I have mentioned the ridiculous unseasonably warm weather we are having. But I guess if it isn't going to snow for Christmas, it might as well go ahead and be sunny and 72 so that we can grill out and have birthday picnics in December. Since I can't bowl at the moment, Kev decided he wanted to have a birthday steak. So he grilled one, and a hamburger for me, and we ate in the back yard. It was really nice to spend the afternoon outside.
So, overall, I think Kev had a pretty good birthday and Christmas in spite of being so far from home and not having any snow. And THAT is how I spent my Christmas Vacation. The end.

Part 5 - Christmas Goes on...

Christmas Eve continued with a great giant dinner at my parents' house. It was some good eats, just like Thanksgiving. After dinner, we played the Dread Pirate(TM) game with my dad and LarryFeathers. It is a really cool game where you get to have a pirate ship and sail around having skirmishes with other pirates and invading islands and collecting jewels and doubloons. I was a pretty terrible pirate, and by that I mean weak and inefficient. I lost all my skirmishes and most of my invasions were complete failures. Sometimes, it is possible to become the Dread Pirate, which is good because you get special priviliges and extra treasures. Kev was the dread pirate for most of the game, and he ended up winning (as usual). I don't know if I would like being the Dread Pirate, because everyone gangs up on you, and I would probably take it personally. Anyway, it is a really fun game, and I want to play again because we didn't even get to use hostages and mutinies and other interesting rules.

On Christmas morning, we went back to my parents' house for Christmas breakfast tacos (mmm...) and more gifts. My family got us lots of nice things, some for us and some for the baby, including several things called "receiving blankets" which I got laughed at for asking what do you do with these? Apparently, you use them to wrap your baby up like a human burrito, which keeps them calm and happy. I am glad I don't have to be wrapped up in one of these blankets, as I like to be able to move my arms and legs about at will. But they are very very soft, and some have little ducks on them, and I do like that. LarryFeathers gave us a nice bird clock and some money to start a college fund for the baby, which was really cool. After gifts, we all watched Napolean Dynamite, which may have confused my parents, then ate more food, and then Kev and I went home. It was a very nice day. Thanks to everyone for the nice gifts.

Coming up next...Birthday Fun for K...

Penguin Update

Here is a photo I received today of Tula, my adopted penguin, in her burrow on Isla Magdalena off the coast of Chile. The good Dr. Bingham informed me via email that the penguins there have finished laying their eggs, which should hatch in 40 days, at which point I will hear from him again. I also got a map to her burrow and a photo of her colony. This is so cool. Tula looks like a very nice and serene little penguin.

Part 4 - Art.

We received this great note from my cousin Jakob. He is 8. He is my pal because he is cool and likes Samurai Jack and Napolean Dynamite. And he can draw really good elves with sunglasses. I do not know if he got all 16 things he wanted for Christmas.

Part 3 - The Instrument for Me

Traditionally, on the years we stay in Texas for the holidays, Kev and I open our gifts to each other on Christmas Eve, and that was the case this year. We got up and ate breakfast, and began what would become a marathon three days of presents. Some of you may remember back in the spring when I went to see Elvis Costello, and witnessed the melodica-playing genius of the great Steve Nieve. I believe I bogged extensively about the melodica, and how I believed it was the instrument for me. Well, kev got me one for Christmas, and I was proven right! It IS the instrument for me, in fact, it may be the intrument for everyone! It is so fun and easy to play, and it has a pretty good sound too, sort of like an accordian. You can either play it using a mouthpiece on one end (which is the right way), or you can use the melodica tube, as seen in the photo below, so you can hold it on your lap for easier chord-playing or two-handed playing. It is a little hard at first to stop from laughing at how the tube makes you look like you are some kind of hospital patient, or that you are smoking the melodica. But once you stop laughing, it is a lot of fun to play, especially when you can play duets...

...with Kev on his new baritone ukulele (below). So, it was a very housepants Christmas Eve as you can see.
I also got some other nice gifts from Kev, including 50 tulip bulbs which I will be planting in the front yard, and some very cute outfits for the Peanut. I am officially declaring myself the easiest person on the planet to buy gifts for. Mostly because of this blog , I think. People who read it know what I like and what I don't like, and it makes it pretty easy for anyone who happens to be my secret Santa. Last year, it was my brother-in-law Marty, who did a fabulous job of giving me a very Tara pile of gifts. And this year, my other brother-in-law Pat did the same.
If the above photo was a little bigger, you would see that I am dressed completely in Sock Monkey-wear, including slippers. They are very cute and soft and comfortable, and I love them. And you would also see that in my hands I am holding a piece of paper which, when unrolled, informed me that I am the proud adoptive sponsor of my very own Magellanic penguin in the Faulkland Islands. (I cried when I read the paper). On Christmas Day, I received an email from the penguin people, with lots of information about my penguin and others like it. They are in peril, so this adoption is to help them out. I got to then name my penguin. I didn't know if it was male or female, so I emailed the good Dr. Bingham (the penguin guy) and told him to please name it Arturo if it is a male, or Tula if it is a female. He emailed back and said, "Tara, we have called her Tula." So thanks to Pat, I now have a penguin named Tula (which is from a Buena Vista Social Club song). And I will be sent photos and updates and a map to Tula's burrow should I decide to go and visit her. What a perfect gift. Thanks Pat (and Darlene, who probably helped at least a little) for being a great secret Santa.

Part 4 coming soon...more Christmas.

Part 3 - Coming Soon

Stay tuned for tales of trumpets, penguins, baby stuff, the real-life Jetsons, steak, and, at long last, the instrument for me...

Part 2 - Tamales con Amigas

On the Friday before Christmas, I went over to my friend Shannon's mom's house to learn the fine art of tamale-making. Shannon's mom (white shirt) is from Mexico, and was nice enough to spend a whole day teaching me, Shannon (pink shirt), Julie (orange shirt), and Shannon's daughter Collin how to make tamales. It is a long and involved process, which I am happy to report did NOT involve pig-face, or the face of any animal, for that matter. We spent several hours making tamales, and I finally had to stop and say I just can't do this anymore. We probably made at least 150 tamales. Then we ate some. They were good. So, a very special thanks to Mrs. S. for the tamale lessons, and maybe in a few years I will have the desire to make more tamales. Mostly, it was fun hanging out with my friends, which I don't get to do much, especially since Shannon lives out there in Los Angeles. Later that night, I went to see the Family Stone movie with Shannon and her sister. It is a movie that Kev would probably never agree to go see, and he wouldn't have liked it, so that was OK. It was a pretty good movie, but hard to watch because we were sitting on the front row on account of everyone in Garland was at the new AMC that night and it was crowded. It would be good if Shannon came to town more often.

How I Spent My Christmas Break - Part 1

Well, Christmas has come and gone, with nary a moment to blog. This photo is from the day of Kev's already-blogged-about company Christmas party, which is the event that really started off the holiday season. You can see the clean-looking house and neatly stacked gifts under the tree. This environment of serenity was short-lived, and eventually replaced by chaos. But it was a good Christmas, and I will share some of the highlights here, for anyone who happens to be interested.

Happy Birthday!

A very special happy birthday to Kev.

Have a great birthday!

We love you,
T and the Peanut.

PS: Next year, we bowl.

WooHoo!

It appears that the ANWR is safe again for now. Take that, Senator Stevens! Dirty tricks will get you nowhere. Turkey.

Hooray for Larry Feathers!

A very special Happy Birthday to Larry Feathers, who was born on this day in 1972, and was brought home on Christmas Eve, and things have never been the same.

In honor of Larry Featherses birthday, I was gonna post a link to his theme song, but I don't know how, so I will try to get that on here for you later tonight or tomorrow when Kev can help me.

Happy Birthday!

No Tip for You!

Our neighborhood garbage collectors were just here, and as you can see, they took no care in replacing our neighbor's cans on the curb. Rather, they threw them in the general direction of the house, violently knocking down a decorative Christmas lawn candy cane. At least this time, the cans are not in the street or blocking the driveway. As you can also see, our neighbors no longer bother putting lids on their cans, probably because they've been squashed by cars when left in the street. No tip for these turkeys. Booooo!

Company Christmas Party

Yesterday, Kev and I went to his company Christmas Party. It was held at a place called the Allen Heritage Center, which turned out to be a little building that looks like a train depot. It took us a while to find it. So, we figured out where it was, and as we were walking up to the building, we saw a lady sitting in a chair about 20 yards from the door, smoking. As we approached, she greeted us NOT with Merry Christmas, NOT with a hearty Welcome to the Party, but with the very puzzling question, "Do you like snakes?" I was confused by the whole scene. My first thought was that she was a snake sales-lady who thought it would be strategic to sit outside a company Christmas party in hopes of finding a few customers who needed snakes to complete their holiday shopping. Kev thought maybe it was some sort of code or password thing to get into the party. So I said, "Huh?" The lady repeated, "Do you like snakes?" So I said, "Um, they're OK." And then she told us to go inside because they were having a snake demonstration, and that was why she was OUTside. Apparently, she does NOT like snakes, so much so that she would rather sit outside in the cold, far far away from the building, and smoke. So, we went in, and sure enough, there was a room full of engineers and their families, completely captivated by a man dressed in black, who was making lawyer jokes while handling gigantic pythons and boas and so forth. Not your typical Christmas Party entertainment, but I tell you what, he was really great. He did magic tricks and told corny jokes and taught us things about snakes, and everyone loved it. The smoking lady really missed a treat.

After the snake guy finished his show, it was time to get on line for Dicky's Barbecue. Mmm-mmm. It was good eats! Dicky's has a fine sauce, just the right amount of spicy. Plus, there was pie and cookies and brownies and cobbler. It was great. We sat down and who ends us sitting at our table but the president of the company and his wife (of the famous mystery Christmas card incident of last week). It was a little intimidating, but they were really nice and easy to talk to and not at all snooty. I liked them.

Finally, just as people were starting to leave, who appears but this guy Mark, dressed as Santa. He was great. All the little kids got SO excited. This one little girl couldn't stop jumping up and down. Mark/Santa walked around giving them all hugs, then got them to sing a couple of Christmas songs, and passed out some toys and candy. It almost made me cry. It was the best company Christmas party I've ever been to.

Kev worked for the last three years at a different company. They threw very elaborate Christmas parties with expensive dinners and long speeches. One year, they had a casino night. Another year they put us all up in a hotel in Fort Worth. Very impressive, huh? But many, not ALL, but MANY of the people in this company were people of questionable character, and their fabulous parties reflected nothing but their flashiness and insincerity. This party yesterday was family-friendly, down-home, and sincere, and I couldn't be happier that Kev works with good people now.

Ooh, plus there was macaroni and cheese, which I have been craving for a MONTH!

For more info on Daryl Sprout, the snake guy, go to:
www.SnakeEncounters.com

Some Good News

Special Shout Out to Darlene and Patrick, who are having a baby 5 weeks after me. A new cousin for little "The Baby Never Officially Known As Ramekin." Yay!

By the way, I may get in trouble for this, but my mom thought a ramekin was a kind of cheap noodle. Heehee.

Alaska

Well, the underhanded trickery of tacking oil drilling onto a bill which has NOTHING to do with it has worked, as the Defense Spending bill passed the House, opening the way for drilling in the ANWR. This is not unexpected, as very few people are going to vote in a way which seems unsupportive of our troops. (By the way, I am pretty sure Hurricane Relief is also part of this bill, also something people don't want to get caught voting against). Now it has to pass the Senate though, and we are hoping for a fillibuster. Not sure when this is gonna go down, but I will keep you posted.

I just don't understand how they can get away with this kind of random attachment of unrelated things to bills. There should have to be a clear theme. Stupid government turkeys. I need some coffee.

Rant Warning

Sometimes things get me down, but I can say to myself, "just get over it, it doesn't have anything to do with you," and I can move on. Things like the Mavericks losing in the play-offs, or the Rangers trading good players, or good shows like Curb Your Enthusiasm getting stale. It sucks, but oh well. No big deal, really.

But some things get me down, and I can't just blow them off, so I get mad and stay mad and it messes me up. Last night I got a shockingly disturbing email, and I woke up this morning thinking about it, and it blossomed into this whole big laundry list of stuff that makes me mad and I couldn't go back to sleep. I am afraid I am sending bad anger chemicals to the baby, so I thought if I blogged it, I could try to move on and enjoy my recently found groove / Christmas Spirit. So, I'm not trying to start a debate, I am just venting. You don't have to read this if you don't want to. There will be no funny quotes about beans.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know how I feel about Alaska and its wildlife and indiginous people. And you know how happy I was when good brave moderate republican senators did away with trying to sneak drilling in the ANWR into the budget. But the bad sneaky ones are at it again, this time trying to include Arctic Drilling in a bill that funds the troops! How underhanded is that?! The vote goes down today, and I fear the worst, because it is going to take some real bravery to vote against something that will cause people to scream UNPATRIOTIC at them. This is how the government works, I'm afraid. Sneaky, underhanded, and misleading. it is disgusting. And it goes on all the time. I have a close relative who works for the government, and every time I talk to him, I hear stories of mismanaged people, time, and funds. I hear about ridiculous wasteful spending and I hear about various loopholes they find and use to get around acting appropriately. Knowing this stuff kinda makes it hard to believe people who say things like, "Oh no, of course we don't torture." Why should I believe that? I'm sure they've found ways to get around those rules too. Ugh. It just really gets me down, man. Plus, for some reason, the current administration is completely unwilling to listen to the scientists of the world about climate change, and this affects us all. Are conservatives afraid of science? Do they think if they listen to scientists, it is un-Christian? I'll tell you what, I don't think God it too terribly happy about what is happening to the nice planet he created for us. I hate politics. I hate all this conservative/liberal crap and party affiliations that tell you what you have to be for and against. This is why I am an Independent. Me, General Tommy Franks, the next Governer of Texas Kinky Friedman, and Hermey the elf-dentist.

I don't know if I feel any better. I am worried about today's vote. But I am going to try to think happy thoughts and send good chemicals to the baby, and continue with my Christmas groove.

Christmas Tip

Ok, so what's the story with tipping the mail carrier? I mean, if anyone deserves a tip, it's probably the mail carriers of the world. Their job is hard. They have to go out and walk around in the snow and rain, and even worse, the HEAT. And, at least in my neighborhood, they bring the mail all the way up to the porch so we can get our mail with minimal walking. So I wouldn't be opposed to tipping them. But how much? And here's a problem: We have about three or four different carriers that do our route. So I don't know what to do.

And what about the garbage collectors? Do they ever get a holiday tip? Not that I'd tip ours. Ours are terrible. They empty the cans, and then throw the cans all willy-nilly into the yard or the street or wherever they happen to land. People's cans are always getting blown down the street by wind, or run over by cars, all because of these lazy garbage collectors. They take no pride at all in their work. Kev used to want to be a garbage man when he was little. I don't think it was so much about the garbage as it was about the cool big truck. I tell you what, though. If Kev was a garbage man, he'd be about the best garbage man ever. He would take good care of people's cans, and place them back on the curb where he got them. Anyway, if you happen to have good garbage collectors, do you tip them?

Are there others that we are supposed to tip at Christmas?

Do you think Martha Stewart tips her mail carrier?

Feelin' Groove-y

In spite of my recent set-backs, there appears to be evidence that I am getting my groove back.
Consider the following:

• My Christmas shopping is done except for one easy thing I can get tomorrow.
• Everything for Kev's family has been wrapped and shipped to NY.
• Everything for my family is wrapped and under the tree.
• Kev's gifts, which are hidden in an undisclosed location, will be wrapped by this time tomorrow.
• I made all of my Christmas cards, and have sent out most of them (the rest require Kev's attention).
• Last night, I cooked a real meal.

So, either I am getting my groove back, or I am just in Hyper-Holiday Mode brought on by the pressure of deadlines. Either way, I am exhausted, and looking forward to coasting through the rest of the Christmas season.

Well, time to try to find some comfortable enough pants to wear to work. I may break out the Full-Panel maternity pants today. I wish I could declare HousePants Day at the office.

Update

The mystery family in the Chrismas photo belongs to the president of Kev's company, so I will cut them a little slack because the company pres probably SHOULD send cards to all the employees/contractors. The company Christmas party is this weekend, and I am nervous because I haven't met any of the people and I am not very good at meeting new people and I can't remember people's names anymore. But there is going to be BBQ, so that's good. Also, there is going to be entertainment, but we don't know what. Kev thinks it is one of the guys from work doing Neil Diamond karaoke. That's fine by me. I just hope it isn't a clown. By the way, creepiest clown ever: Ronald McDonald. Ugh.

Also, I'm glad I went ahead and cooked the beans. They were tasty, and Kev even said Emeril would be proud. You should have seen the Bananas Foster Bread Pudding that Emeril made last night. I have requested it for my next birthday. Emeril needs to get some new catch phrases. His schtick is getting a little tired. In fact, if you were a frat boy, you could probably make up a pretty successful drinking game out of watching that show. Be that as it may, he has some really great recipes, and he's a pretty good teacher. And he is really nice to kids. So that's something.

Shopping A to Z

Who sang Shopping A to Z? Was it Cyndi Lauper? Toni Basil? Whoever it was, I am pretty sure it was a terrible song. But today, that's just what I did, and I am wiped out. Ready for bed and it isn't even 4:00 yet. And I still have to cook dinner. I would just order out, but my beans have been soaking all day and I reckon they need to be cooked.

Anyway, the Dallas Morning News is always showing pictures of stuff from a shop called Forty-Five Ten in their shopping/lifestyle features. It is usually really cute stuff, and I have always wanted to go in there, but until today I never did. So today, I went up to the door and got a bad vibe, but I went in anyway and I will tell you right now I will never go back to that place. It was totally shishi, with a bunch of super-model clothes and fancy soap and $68.00 candles*, and not one single person who worked in there greeted me or asked if I needed help. They all just ignored me completely as if I wasn't there. I don't think I looked the part. I nearly "boo-ed" loudly on the way out, but I chickened out and boo-ed quietly to myself while vowing to tell the world, or at least the blog, what a snobby crappy store it is. So don't go to Forty-Five Ten. It even has a pretentious name. Booooooo.

*I know how to make candles, and I can assure you that these $68.00 ones only cost about a dollar to make. Where do they get off?

Over the weekend, we went to see Walk the Line, and unless you hate Johnny Cash, you will probably really like this movie. It is very good. I'd give it at least 4 out of 5 penguins in my penguin movie rating system. Plus I got to have a BBQ chicken wrap and sweet potato fries while we were at the Studio Movie Grill.

Last night we watched Willie Wonka (the real one) on ABC family channel, and they cut out the part where they ride on the crazy boat. That's not right. Did anyone see the Johnny Depp one? Was there singing in that one?

Today we got a Christmas card from a family and I have NO IDEA who they are. It is really bugging me. It's one of those photo cards they make at Target or Walmart, and there on the card is this nice family of five all posed for their holiday picture, and on the back is a little description of what the 3 kids are up to these days, and I have never seen nor heard of them before. The only thing I can figure is that it is someone from Kev's work. I'm sort of against sending your personal family photo Christmas card to everyone from the whole office, even if you don't know them. It seems a little weird or insincere or something.

Well, I got a pot of beans awaiting me in the kitchen, and they ain't gonna cook themselves. Louisiana Red Beans and Rice with cornbread is on the meal plan for tonight. I won't even tell you how much I struggled with the meal plan this week. P.A.D.D., I tell you what.

Feelin' 7-Up...

Last night we watched Repo Man which I probably haven't seen for about 15 years. Frankly, it doesn't stand the test of time. This oft-quoted sci-fi punk movie was a staple of my college years. But last night, all the quotes that were so funny at the time, seemed really lame. I still laughed, not because it was funny, but becauses it reminded me of my friends that couldn't go a day without saying, "Let's go get sushi and not pay," or "Hi I'm Kevin, vaccuum sir?," or ,"Rodrigez brothers."
So much of the stuff we thought was great back then, probably really wasn't that great at all. But that's OK.

Question: Do the kids today still go around quoting film dialogue? Do they sit around at Denny's saying lines from "Mean Girls" or that Eminem movie?

Feel free to comment with your favorite movie quote. Please no swear words.

Here it Comes...

Here is the picture they show on the news before weather updates. It is accompanied by dramatic music. Now, I'll give you that it's really cold and it is going to sleet, but come on. The reason we have to make such a big deal out of this is that Texas is completely unprepared for temperatures below 40, and so any winter weather is huge. It's the same every year. "Tonight at 10, we'll tell YOU how to prepare for the WINTER BLAST." Then they show some people in Wal Mart buying a hat and some duraflame logs. "And don't forget the 3 P's: Pets, pipes, and plants!" Or something like that. Then they post newscasters all over town who report, "Yep, it's cold." "I think I saw a flurry." "I just saw an SUV do a 360 here on the overpass. Back to you, Chuck." It's kinda funny. Then again, I cancelled my afternoon clients, so who am I to say anything. Be careful out there.

Brief Window of Opportunity

Our DSL is very flakey lately. It has been down all day, but is working at the moment, so I am taking the opportunity to blog.

Today I went to breakfast with my friend John_Clarke. We went to Mecca, and it was quite a pilgrimage. It took like an hour to get there because some truck spilled a bunch of sand all over Northwest Highway and caused traffic to suck. But the food was good and it was worth the inconvenience.

Channel Five Chief Meteorologist David Finfrock is all a-flutter because we are expecting a possible "wintery mix" tomorrow. I will believe it when I see it, but I'm hoping for snow. All of you readers from the north would be making so much fun of us if you could see the weather reports down here, as if the BIG BLIZZARD is coming. Anyway, it is nice to finally have some cold Christmas-y weather. It was 89 on Saturday. That's practically 90!

Another Christmas toy party has come and gone, and in spite of my P.A.D.D., it went off without a hitch, and seemed to be a success. I had a lot of help from Kev, so thanks to him. He managed to pull off quite a feat himself, by getting the PPHPHB Vol. III CD ready in time for the party. I hope people will like it. It features lots of guests, which makes it more fun. On a related note, I was happy to see that somebody down-loaded "Sock Monkey Man" from Soundclick yesterday, which I feel is one of the more under-appreciated PPHPHB songs. I often wonder whatever became of the Sock Monkey Man, especially after Katrina and all.

Question: Does anyone know the origin of the phrase, "What the Sam Hill...?" Who is Sam Hill? And why do some people say Sam Hill, and others say Sam Hell? I am so sad that I can't ask the great Glenn Mitchell. He would know, I betcha.

Note to Marty: Can we get a field report on the status of Official LRHS Minor League Baseball Player, Tim Rall? Winter Meetings got underway yesterday, but I haven't heard much about the goings-on.

So, I'm gonna publish this now, because I fear a DSL breakdown.

Lay It on the Li-eee-ine

If you ask anyone, "Who is your second favorite caterwauling Canadian rock trio?," their answer nine times out of ten will be Triumph. So one time in the 80's I went to see Triumph with a couple of my friends. Now, since it was the 80s, it was cool at the time to wear black rubber "Madonna" bracelets as far up your arms as possible. I reckon about twenty or so on each arm was about average. So there we were at the Triumph show with our Madonna bracelets. The show started and went about like all rock shows: hit, hit, new song, new song, hit, long guitar solo, long drum solo, hit with audience participation part (Now YOU sing!), unexpected cover song, hit, etc. Somewhere near the end, a stage rush is inevitable, and as usual, my friends and I ended up smashed up against the barrier in front of the stage. Then my friends got this wacky idea, and they started shooting Madonna bracelets like rubber bands at Rik Emmet, singer of Triumph. I may or may not have tried to stop them. Rik Emmet did not think this was cool. So next thing I knew, he was bent over us with a very mean look on his face. Then he held up one of his fingers at us while mouthing a swear word that starts with "f" and then he jerked his thumb toward stage left while mouthing the word "off." I was crushed. I didn't want Triumph to dislike me or my friends.
On the way home, we listened to the concert play-back on Q102. They were interviewing Rik Emmet about the show, which he said was great except for the stupid girls throwing stuff at him. I'm not sure, but I don't think Triumph has ever come back to Dallas.
And that is the story about how we got cussed out by the band at the arena rock show in front of thousands of people. Stupid Madonna. I like her now though.

Close Encounters

Thirteen weeks down, more to go than I care to think about. I am now in the second trimester, and just as everyone said, I am starting to get my energy back. The exhaustion has been replaced by what can only be described as pregnancy-induced A.D.D. I cannot seem to concentrate on anything for more than 30 seconds, and this is bad because I have a lot of stuff that needs concentrating on. For example, I am having a party this weekend, but I have not done one thing to prepare for it except buy a bag of Holiday M-n-Ms at Target. I know it's not a party without M-n-Ms, but at the same time, I'm SURE it's not a party with ONLY M-n-Ms. I have also not accomplished much in the way of Christmas shopping, and I'm usually almost done by now. I have get on the ball, because we have to ship a lot of stuff this year since we're staying in Texas. Anyway, I am not going to worry about all this. I'll get everything done. Eventually.

The other night, I was worried about the baby and then I had this dream: I was standing in my house, and a bright light came down from outside. It was a UFO hovering above the house. Apparently, the aliens had come with messages from the baby, which were projected ticker-style across a light fixture on my ceiling. There were several messages, but I only remember these two:

"I am only interested in the truth"

and

"In the morning, I like shapes. In the afternoon time, I like shapes."

So, I'm not sure what to make of all that. Kev reckons the PPHPHB should write a shape song though, using those lyrics. I am on board with that.

Anyway, I am not worried about the baby anymore. Not because of the aliens, but because I went to the doctor and heard the baby's heartbeat which was good and strong.

I'm thinking about telling a rock and roll story in my next blog.